Continuing to speak…in the afterlife

Recently, I was watching a TV show on E! about this 19-year-old kid who visits famous people and “talks” to their dead loved ones. I don’t recall what it is called–not emotionally-invested that much to care. It’s interesting background noise when I am doing artwork, that’s all.

Pat happened to walk in as it was on, and started ripping on it. He totally does NOT believe in any of that stuff. I actually do, and started giving him examples of things I saw on the show.

He didn’t care…he pointed out how Houdini and his wife had a game plan to prove this is false. Houdini set up a “code word” with his wife–if he died first, and she went to someone who “communicated with the dead”, he would tell this person a code word they set up, and if the person said the code word, his wife would know he REALLY IS communicating with her from the afterlife.

So, of course, I had to have us set up a code word, so when Pat dies first (as he will), we can test this.

Fast forward a couple weeks. I randomly texted Pat in the middle of the day asking what the code word was, as I had already forgotten it.  He replied, and I told him it was too hard to remember, and changed it. Several days later, when Andy was home, we were (by “we”, I mean “I was”) telling Andy about this plan over dinner, and sharing with him the code word in case he ever wanted to try to communicate with us after we die.

Pat then told Andy, “Well, when Joyce tries this, I am so telling the ‘psychic’ the wrong word intentionally so it ends the conversation and I never have to talk to her again. If I use the right word, Joyce will be keep bugging me all the time, even after I am dead.”

That statement might have been followed by a fist bump between two jackasses.

Another quickie…reason #9876 why Pat is kind of an ass

So, I have to be honest…for the last 44 days, I have been on my very serious “going to Mexico and don’t want to be a lard-ass” diet. I have lost 20 pounds in 40 days, and as a sidenote, prior to yesterday, NOT ONE PERSON NOTICED. Not one. If that doesn’t piss you off as you basically have had next-to-zero alcohol, sugar, fat, carbs for 44 days…nothing will.

No, I am not going to talk about what I am doing. I have several reasons for this. First, I have 10,567 friends who sell various health supplements, shakes, workout programs, wraps, etc. If I endorse one, I piss off the 10,566 friends who I DIDN’T buy their program from. Second, I don’t want lectures from people on why what I am doing “won’t work”, “isn’t healthy” or is a bad idea. Generally these comments come from my friends who are not slender themselves, don’t work in the health industry, yet are experts in (criticizing others) weight loss programs. It might be mean, but you all know what I am talking about. And it’s true. So don’t ask, because it’s not a conversation I am having.

So, anyway, last week, Pat had a hair appointment up the road from Costco. Two staples in my “don’t want to be a lard-ass” diet have been langostinos (Spanish for baby lobster, despite not being a lobster) and organic spinach cakes. I asked Pat to please pick me up TWO packages of each to get me through the next two weeks.

He came home with my food, and I commented that I forgot to have him pick up a bag of frozen berries for my spinach/berry/protein smoothies. He said “This crap already cost $180” and grumbled some more, but I tuned him out. I mentioned that MY stuff didn’t cost $180. He pointed out the langostinos were $15 a bag.

I got pissed and replied that *I* think I am worth the $30 in food money for two weeks.

Pat then replied, “They don’t have $15 bags of langostinos in Ethiopia and they are really skinny.”

I am sure you all can guess my reaction to THAT gem.