So, I have to be honest…for the last 44 days, I have been on my very serious “going to Mexico and don’t want to be a lard-ass” diet. I have lost 20 pounds in 40 days, and as a sidenote, prior to yesterday, NOT ONE PERSON NOTICED. Not one. If that doesn’t piss you off as you basically have had next-to-zero alcohol, sugar, fat, carbs for 44 days…nothing will.

No, I am not going to talk about what I am doing. I have several reasons for this. First, I have 10,567 friends who sell various health supplements, shakes, workout programs, wraps, etc. If I endorse one, I piss off the 10,566 friends who I DIDN’T buy their program from. Second, I don’t want lectures from people on why what I am doing “won’t work”, “isn’t healthy” or is a bad idea. Generally these comments come from my friends who are not slender themselves, don’t work in the health industry, yet are experts in (criticizing others) weight loss programs. It might be mean, but you all know what I am talking about. And it’s true. So don’t ask, because it’s not a conversation I am having.

So, anyway, last week, Pat had a hair appointment up the road from Costco. Two staples in my “don’t want to be a lard-ass” diet have been langostinos (Spanish for baby lobster, despite not being a lobster) and organic spinach cakes. I asked Pat to please pick me up TWO packages of each to get me through the next two weeks.

He came home with my food, and I commented that I forgot to have him pick up a bag of frozen berries for my spinach/berry/protein smoothies. He said “This crap already cost $180” and grumbled some more, but I tuned him out. I mentioned that MY stuff didn’t cost $180. He pointed out the langostinos were $15 a bag.

I got pissed and replied that *I* think I am worth the $30 in food money for two weeks.

Pat then replied, “They don’t have $15 bags of langostinos in Ethiopia and they are really skinny.”

I am sure you all can guess my reaction to THAT gem.