Note–I have been going through my old blogs and deciding what is worthy of a re-post here. In the three years I have been blogging, my blog has had three homes. Each time I move, nothing transferred over, so I have all these files all saved, with the intent to transfer them, but them I get busy (lazy)–and there are great episodes of Real Housewives on all day, and a comfy couch to lay on….  I then realized there were some decent blogs in the past, and it takes less time to copy and paste them into the new home than it does to write something new.

Okay, here we go. Get it out of the way.

I have stressed about this first blog post for three weeks now. I felt I had to come out the the gate with the funniest blog post ever in the history of blogs.

Well, here it is. I am going to equate this to the first time you have sex with someone. The pressure is on to do something crazy, make an impression, be memorable…And that rarely happens, as it takes time to get to know someone, get into a rhythm, and figure out what works and what doesn’t. Plus, I am not drunk right now…that usually helps both sex and humor.

So, this will be my “let’s get it out of the way, fine-tune it and make it better next time” blog.

Why am I doing a blog? Well, my friend Shannon might think it is to copy her–since she has this hilarious kick-ass blog and quite frankly, I am as funny,. if not funnier, than her. Although, her husband is MUCH funnier than mine, so she has better material to work with.

I went to school to write. I dropped out of school my second year because being a homeless student living in a ’79 Ford Pinto hatchback was cramping my “style”. I said for many years, once I established myself in whatever career I was doing, I would start writing again. I had hilarious blog posts that I would write in my head in the shower–I don’t sing in the shower (Pat would think one of the cats was being skinned alive if he heard that noise), so I write…in my head.

Here’s what I will promise you. I will not do one of those boring blogs where I detail something I do every day in my job. NO ONE CARES. Unless you work with celebrities, save people’s lives by running into dangerous situations, or do something that involves sex, guns, a lot of money, or alcohol, it’s NOT interesting. Nor will I post any recipes. Why? BORING…and I don’t cook. I won’t post about ANYTHING I am making for dinner, because again, boring, and honestly, how interesting would a blog be about a protein shake?

I will post about my cats and dogs. WHY? Because they are funny and I do have the cutest cat ever in the history of the world. He has the greatest fur too, and I have to say, when I pet him, I often wonder if it would be tacky, after he dies of NATURAL causes, to use his fur for trim on some gloves.

I will post crap about my husband. Why? Because he’s funny and the cutest husband ever in the history of the world? NO. He’s funny. And he’s the cutest husband I have had out the two I have had. The first one was pretty ugly though, to be fair.

There you go. Mediocrity at its best! Shooting for something better next time–got the first time out of the way. Was it as bad for you as it was for me?